Funny, it never crossed my mind nor in my wildest
dream that this line of a song would be of any
relevance to me... it seemed so inappropriate for
my personality and how i feel...
Alas, like a dagger, it pierces right through my
thick hide...
After so long, am i turning soft again?
that there maybe something or someone warm enough
to melt a heart etched in ice?
For so long, i have tried to imprison every bit of
anxiety, every parcel of obscurity that was
present a lifetime ago...
i tried to suppress what to me was a threat to my
eloquence and tranquility...
This assured uncertainty has left me clueless
before...
Then what of now??!!?
Through the years, i have gained confidence,
acquired experience and snatched maturity just so
as i could avoid such deceitful encounter.. i kept
myself busy; doing anything and everything so
"this" would never happen again...
And now because of a dream; because of some random
spontaneous subconscious manifestation, everything
i've done, everything I've become and everything
i've sacrificed will come to no existence...
For some time now, i was led to believe that
"Friendship is more important than anything else"
True, i was blinded by this notion but it worked
out for me...
I developed so many unspoken bonds, som many
righteous score and so many loyal friends...
(But at what cost?)
i am a man of risk... But you're something so
precious, so much fragile that you're a dare i
wouldn't risk to take...
Because of your past and my past, there may not
hold a future for us...
What we have now is something special...
Though its a bit shady and superficial, its,
nonetheless, a relationship i wouldn't trade for the
world..
You are and always be my angel...
This thing between will never fade
coz i think its better this way...
much better...
(HAH! "i think" for 4 years now that's what i kept
consistently doing... always made sure that my
head was clear and running...never ever have i let
those emotions or even my heart dictate my thoughts
and actions...)
Maybe that's why it grew cold...
So cold that it became frozen 'til its very
core...
I may sound so overly melodramatic.. but that's
just me...
Coz one thing i've learnd is that its really hard
to love when you got too much to hate...
Why must everything be so simple yet complicated..
so hard to understand yet easy to explain?
This would be the 1st and last of my upheaval...
this outburst will be just be a though 'coz by
the end of the day, everything would jsut sink
into an abyss of perplexity
it would just be another loss to a reality of
complications...
We both live different lives now...
Though we are still close, i now exist in a place
far different from yours...
while you go about your day oblivious to my
pain, i stagger aimlessly to wherever you
maybe...
But like i said this would be the last, this truth
will only end up like any sweet memoirs before,
buried in a castle of clouds and sand...
Keep in mind, we are still friends..
NO, i choose to be one coz i love you too much...
Though sometimes i feel it aint mutual, still just
to see you alright is more than enough (I think..)
Sadly, you can never know; better yet, you will
never know this revelation of mine...
coz by the time you do, (which is by the time the
clock of maturity hits and wakes you up and finally you
are able to grow up) i'll either be with someone else or
buried six feet under...
This has been too long and too exhausting...
it has been one controlled chaotic ride...But much
as much, im glad im on it...
Well, this is the end..
i now will put again a faceless mask...
a mask to hide those inconceivable flaws, a
barrier where i can escape from the reality of you
and juxtapose with those insecurities...
So take care my angel...
i'll see you around...
I love you sO... ( i guess you already know that..)
Created on: 2006/10/17
No comments:
Post a Comment